Wondering whether this is a breakdown
Is happening or not.
It feels like it is.

I mean...just looking back...not even looking...just taking a glance
And then turning my head to what's ahead of me

Good, or bad...either way it wouldn't matter
Cause life right now...is not half full or half empty...it's just at half

God, life is so amazing right now...but then...so horrible
Amazing cause of what's happened...the new form I've taken upon
Horrible in knowing it took me so long to take form of this new me
Amazing that I'm making progress
Horrible cause it took me so long to actually START making progress

I don't know how the bad is affecting anymore.
Only cause I don't need to look back at the stupidity and mistakes
When I've grown from that. Grown far from that.

It's all wonderful right now...almost TOO wonderful.
I've taught well to two others. They are my success stories I can take pride on..
They have sat down and observed
My way of breaking and re building people.
Just one more for the time being.

I'm psyched. So proud of myself in making these two, soon to be three, people understand and unleash their true nature in self power and inner potential

I know what I want to do...and I know that I can make it
Because I know my method works. It really does...
...here I was thinking I was just gonna fuck them up more
But no....they had to impress me by understanding
How I see things and realizing that my perspective
Is the most relieving way to look at life

Also

I got my name noticed at Jamba Juice. (A smoothie joint)
I asked the GENERAL MANAGER about the applications...and she made a good note of my name. So it's looking good for a job there.

Rant done. I don't care. I just want to get this out. This is what's been happening offline. And...Iunno...aside from the slight drugs...it's not as bad as it was in October...I'm proud of myself for controlling me.

Yes, I am willing to take on the journey to do what I want to do...
...and anyone who dares laugh in disbelief and utter doubt can suck a dick

I can make it...I can be a teen therapist

Hmm...maybe not a break down...not looking at what went wrong...but looking at what I've done to right what went wrong...with myself and a few others

I haven't given up on this though...not writing. I'm actually planning on a book...can't get it started though...I'm still being blocked. But hey, I'll come through. I know I will

This is surrender
To a war torn life I've lived
Scars and stripes forever
In need of change i can't resist

No need to hide anything anymore
Can't return to who i was before

I can finally breathe
Suddenly alive
I can finally move
The world feels revived

This long of a struggle
Finally opened up my eyes
Revolutions not easy
With a civil war on the inside

No need to hide anything anymore
Cant return to who i was before

I can finally breathe
Suddenly alive
I can finally move
Cause I realize... ...

New Surrender
"Breathe"
Anberlin